I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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