hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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