Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
