Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
