The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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