My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
