Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
