I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
