doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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