I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
