best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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