Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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