Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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