The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
