I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
