I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
