his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize