I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
