May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize