we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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