I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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