I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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