Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
