All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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