I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Non-Jews are for practice
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
