I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
