THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
