I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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