I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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