Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
