I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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