i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize