I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
