omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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