I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
