he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
