she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
