I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
