apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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