were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
