Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
