Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
