worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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