I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
