His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
