I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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