I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
