Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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