if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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