Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
