I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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