That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
