508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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