Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
