Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
