I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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