you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize