She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Floor bacon is actually really good
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
