Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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