So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
