I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is Oprah even human
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
