I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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