im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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