she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
