VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
