I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
