just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
