an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
