Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
