Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
