im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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