Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
