just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Damn victory sex feels great
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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