I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
