hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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