I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
