we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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