Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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