If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize