I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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